Here’s to the people whose trauma did not give them thick skin.The ones who became more sensitive and insecure,Who cry more easily, who get overwhelmed at small things.I’m so tired of the narrative that trauma makes you tough and untouchable.We are survivors, not superheroes.
– Jules Rylan
Don’t you love this quote? It’s so freaking real! I actually laughed when I read it, because this is so often the truth!
We all want to emerge as Wonder (Wo)men, where nothing and no one can annihilate us again but that is so far from reality sometimes. Because the next time something happens, it might just rub your wound raw again and you might get inconsolable and still think the world will end.
I remember the first time I went through a bad phase, where the storm just did not seem to end. My way of dealing with it was usually distracting myself. Focus on friends, focus on work and socializing till you drop dead at night. I’m not sure that was the right thing to do but maybe at that point it helped me sail through.
And then it happened again, and I saw myself pretty much react the same way. It’s then that I realised that I can’t keep running away or distracting myself with the latest shopping/toys etc every time it happens. And am sure there will be more shit to deal with in life ahead. Nothing is ever rosy for long right? I felt it necessary to try to make peace with the storm rather than try to believe that it doesn’t exist.
Nothing earth shattering but small things which can help me keep my sanity during such phases of chaos.
So here goes:
I think the first thing I had to learn was to go from Why Me? to What Can I Do About This? Basically going from ‘victim mindset‘ to ‘owner mindset‘. Because it’s only with the owner mindset that I will want to do something about the situation. Honestly I still struggle with this. How can I accept everything that happens to me without feeling betrayed by life or someone? I read a beautiful quote on this “the moment you accept responsibility for everything in your life is the moment you gain the power to change anything in your life“. It’s definitely not easy and it does take some time, so go slow with this. See it like a ratio… if you can move the ratio to 80:20 where 80% of the time you are able to accept responsibility for what happens to you, you have won the battle.
Talk it out: I’ve realised it is so important to just share your grief or emotions with someone. It’s important to have such people in your life where you are given that space to show weakness. Even Achilles had a weakness and he was supposed to be the strongest Trojan warrior. So, accept that you are human and have those conversations. It just helps to talk it out, who knows maybe some pearl of wisdom might come your way.
Meditate: And there will be moments, you feel you are going cuckoo. And the quicksand is piling around you. Trust me, you have to learn to meditate. I know it can be boring but the true value of this simple exercise can be felt in the worst situations. There are some many videos and apps available (Headspace, Balance etc). It helps to just defocus from the clutter and focus on the calm…. anything to get you out of your titanic-of-a-mind.
Which then brings me to my next point.. Ahaa.. you thought I’d get my broken tape-recorder fixed… “gratitude, gratitude”! Sighhh.. noways!!
Attitude of Gratitude: this is something that is helping me so much to get unstuck from the rut my mind can often lead me to. And it can be the smallest of things. Think about everything you have, because it could be worse. I’m not saying the sun will shine and all your worries will go away, but it helps to just count your blessings and know you have some good things happening as well.
I think the best thing about life is it’s unpredictability, some highs some lows. The highs help us weather the storms much better. So always remember them when the tides turn.
Ending with a beautiful cartoon I came across…